the opposite game

My number one fan!

As stipulated by our ebay contract, here is a photoshopped picture of me and my number one fan (for five years) Tina Monsrud!

I never said it had to be photoshopped well!

Here are the other stipulations that I and tina are contractually bound by:

• You will receive one autographed headshot of Maggie Faris, made out to you.
• You will also be deemed my “number one fan” for exactly five years at which time the position will be re-auctioned.
• You will also be photo-shopped in a picture with me and placed on the front page of my website with the caption of “number one fan” and your name underneath photo.  You will receive thanks as my number one fan in the credits of my next video.
• Should I become rich and famous in the next five years you will be given first choice of becoming president of my fan club along with all responsibilities and duties of being president.

Most importantly, you will be able to call yourself Maggie Faris’s NUMBER ONE FAN!!! (for the duration of five years.)

Tina won this auction  with a bid of $31.

Congrats.

intervention

I’m a huge fan of intervention.  I commented on Ken Seeley’s bad grammar on twitter and he responded.  Exciting.  This was his bad grammar.

This is what I said…

And this is what he said back…

Thinking about becoming

an art teacher.  Can I become an art teacher if all over the web there are clips of me onstage swearing n shit?

New Stuff

I did an interview here.

I also put up a funny new quick video I did with my friend Tina.

PEACE!  congrats Obama.

More Videos

I had a guy come out and fix my Internet today so I have been uploading more video.  I uploaded the “Pre” True Hollywood Story.  I love this video.  I hope you do too.

I went to Acme last night.  It was like I never left, even though I really hadn’t done comedy in nine months.  Nine months, wow I could have had a baby by now!  I didn’t.  But I could have.

Videos and Such

I have a lot of videos back up but there is still more to go.  I miss having all of the hits I used to have before I took all my videos down.  I think I had like 22,000 hits, and now its about 200. I guess someday they will build back up.  I just need to keep making videos.

I am going to do some comedy tonight at Acme if they let me.  I am also trying to get on that Diva Riot Cabaret.  Its a dyke cabaret thing here in Minneapolis.  I talked with the lady who runs it and it sounds promising.  Keep ya posted.

When Patricia Lark Fagen was running for senate I made a video that was in response to a commercial Al Franken ran and Norm Coleman ran.  I thought it was really good considering we had NO budget and no equipment except for a tiny camera and my computer.  You have to watch them in order though but here are the links…

Norm Colemans Ad

Al Frankens Ad

Patricia Lark Fagens Ad (the one I made.)

Of course Franken wouldn’t allow it as a video response but so what.  It was fun to make.

Ranking

I was just gogling myself, which is OK to do in the privacy of my own home I’ll have you know, and discovered I am ranked the 361 comic according to schtickynotes.com.  I have no idea who schtickynotes.com are but who cares, I’m in the top 300 – 400!  I wonder if this is only living comics or includes dead comics too.

I’m funnier than a lot of comics I’ve never heard of but I’m not quite as funny as a lot of comics I’ve never heard of.  I love that someone made a ranking of all stand-up comedians when stand up comedy is one of the most subjective art forms ever.  I would like to make a list of the worst comics ever according to Extreme Maggie.  I think the worst comics are a lot easier to spot and there are far more awful ones than good ones.

Cough cough leeschloss cough cough…

bless you!

I don’t give a crap what I am ranked by anyone except myself and the crowd of any particular show.

-E.M.

Thank god I’m funnier than that bitch Diane Ford.  (she is ranked 392 if you are wondering.)

PS – I gotta run, Bear Grylls is climbing on a dead sheep to get out of a bog.  Later he makes it into a “sheeping” bag.

I’m Somebody! I’m in curve magazine

That’s right.  I’m one of the funniest lesbians according to Curve Magazine’s November 2008 issue.

See page 43 for more info.

See I am somebody!  Even a tiny accolade like this feels real nice.

-extreme maggie, aka maggie faris

Timothy Tredwell – The Grizzly Man Diaries

I’ve been watching the grizzly man diaries on Animal Planet for the last few weeks.  This is where Timothy Tredwell lives with a bunch of grizzly bears in Alaska for many years and then one eats him.  He left behind a detailed diary and videos of his experience right up until he died and that’s what animal planet shows.

The man was a lil off his rocker. I can appreciate him liking bears and wanting to support bears and make sure they stay around, but that’s why people use tranquilizer darts and helicopters because bears will eat people.  He really believed he was somehow superior to all other humans and could interact with the bears with is sweet little queer voice.  ” I love you schmoopsy!” he would say proudly, as they didn’t eat him.

Oh yeah he was the most repressed gay man EVER.  The first two episode I watched I was thinking, what is a crazy blond gay guy doing hanging out with these bears?  Then he mentioned his girlfriend.  What?!?!?!

Even after watching another interview with him, he had worked at a “Nick’s Pansy Farm” and had a job on the “Queen Mary” in the gift shop.  He went to college on a diving scholarship and always sported a blond peter pan, lord Fauntleroy hair cut. Pleeze.  Flamer.

I feel sorry for his girlfriend because she didn’t even really like bears and because she was up visiting her queer boyfriend, she got eaten by one.

Bear 1 Tredwell 0

-EM